STOP DOING THIS-PLEASE-Goodbye Body Language???

Mehrabian himself clarified: “When words and nonverbal cues conflict, people rely on nonverbal. This doesn’t negate verbal importance”. For example, legal contracts or scientific papers depend almost entirely on precise wording

I woke up this morning to a garbage article about a self-proclaimed Body Language “Guru.” This is a title you get by paying a company to vote or asking followers to vote with an email and a name……….

I don’t get in other people’s business, but these myths about Body Language are costing deals, jobs, and millions to industries that can avoid these problems with only one solution: “Listen to words. Your mouth doesn’t lie. Your body, uff. I teach people how to do it.”

Don’t go to these places without a person like me coaching you:

• Court
• Interrogation
• Shark Tank
• TedTalk
• QVC
• Investor Pitch
• Job Interview
• Etc.

Why am I writing this???

I had lunch with 2 experts in the field and talked about training and strategies. One of them emphasised how 93% of our communication is Body Language. The hell out of me came to life. Where did you get that crap???. John Doe [no need for real names here] trained by the FBI, said that”. This conversation plus the article this morning- what the hell???, Let’s set the record straight.

Why so mad, Susan???

You don’t go to a candy store to check if your mole is cancer? You ask a person who knows what it can be. SO, why are you relying on Tik Tok influencers and people who only listen to one side of the story to get your facts? Worse, it allows you and your people to commit to a life of failure because of this.

Examples:

If a person touches their nose, is that lying? Not necessarily. I have cats and allergies. What can you do with that, even more, if you don’t know those facts? Cat hair is all over your face all the time, so this is not lying; it is just being you. DO not rush to conclusions.

If you look to your left, you are lying. Well, that was debunked in 2011. You need a FREAKING baseline and know how to do it.

If someone uses the #3 in a statement or when explaining something, is lying……………OH don’t even get me started on this bag of crap [yes, this got my Italian/ Corleone roots to burn me]

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, people talk without content, context, and studies?!?!?

Before the WHY, let’s talk about the HOW

Why this is wrong and you need to be aware. But first, let me tell you how I found out.

Many years ago after studying in Manchester, Uk [in person] I was approached by an agency. They wanted me on a team of profilers. Why? Because I have Asperghers and I am dyslexic. 6 out of every 10 profilers in the team are like me. To my surprise here is where I learned that I have a savant gift.

Back in the States, I was trained by the top Hostage Negotiators in the World, Mark Lowther and Jack Cambria.

Nerd pics the day I got my last certification.

I completed Level 1 & 2 and later I completed Level 3 and got Internationally Certified. Let’s be clear, I do not belong to any agency, I was trained as a Civilian Hostage Negotiator. A HUGE HONOR IN THE FIELD.

How Hostage Negotiator situations work.

Let me explain how this works.

You have 5 people inside the NOC — Negotiation Operation Center -

The hostage Negotiator

The Coach

The scriber

The intel

And the command

My expertise is in training the “COACH”. Why??? The coach is the only person allowed to speak and interact with the Hostage Negotiator.

What is the role of the Coach??? Listen to the words.

This is not like the movies

99.9% of the negotiations happen on the phone, with the team sometimes not even in the same room. SO, how you can read Body Language?

YOU CAN’T.

How this crap became so famous

I would say this crap became Infamous Famous.

“93% of communication is nonverbal” statistic stems from a misinterpretation of Albert Mehrabian’s 1960s research on inconsistent emotional messaging.

Origins of the 7–38–55 Formula

Mehrabian conducted two experiments where participants judged speakers’ attitudes (liking/disliking) when verbal/nonverbal cues conflicted:

1. Tone vs. words: A negative tone overrode positive words (e.g., “thanks” said sarcastically was perceived as dislike)
2. Facial expressions vs. tone: Angry facial expressions outweighed positive vocal tones
3. Combining these results, Mehrabian proposed a formula for emotional incongruence:

• 7% from spoken words
• 38% from tone of voice
• 55% from facial expressions

How the Myth Emerged

The 93% figure (38% + 55%) became detached from its narrow context and was misapplied as a universal rule.

Key reasons for the myth’s spread:

• Oversimplification: Trainers/consultants popularized the numbers without caveats
• Memorable statistic: The 7–38–55 breakdown is easy to recall and cite
• Misattributed scope: People assumed it applied to all communication, not just conflicting emotional signals

Key Limitations of the Original Research

1. Narrow focus: Studied single-word utterances (e.g., “maybe,” “terrible”) in lab settings, not complex conversations
2. Emotion-specific: Only measured attitudes (liking/disliking), not factual information
3. Sample bias: Used 137 college students, not diverse populations.Never was tested out of the 137 people or the lab. And was done only 1 time..
4. Excluded other cues: Ignored gestures, posture, and cultural differences

Scenario

Nonverbal Dominance

Verbal Dominance

Emotional conflict (e.g., sarcasm)

High

Low

Technical instructions (e.g., surgery steps)

Low

Critical

Phone/email communication

Limited (tone only)

Primary

Cross-cultural interactions

Variable (gestures differ)

Requires clarity

Reality Check: When Words Matter Most

Mehrabian himself clarified: “When words and nonverbal cues conflict, people rely on nonverbal. This doesn’t negate verbal importance”. For example, legal contracts or scientific papers depend almost entirely on precise wording

Why the Myth Persists

• Confirmation bias: People notice body language more in tense situations.
• Training industry incentives: Simplistic stats sell courses/books
• Intuitive appeal: Feels true that “actions speak louder than words”.

Conclusion:

I studied words with Avinoam Sapir [former Isralei polygraph expert, inventor and expert in Scan- Statement Content Analysis-]. The other people teaching Statement Analysis studied with him, but he is the father of the beast, More than once, our team studied with him, too. I am a civilian Hostage Negotiator, I studied Negotiation in Harvard Law School. I studied with Cialdini, persuasion [in person, too]. Why do I tell you this? Because the people who know this craft do not use the formula.

Tips:

Check who wrote the article, Tik Tok is not a leaning platform. Check the credentials of the person talking, Check for the bad and the good in any theory. You are going to find people killing a theory, others loving it.

The age of the expert. If you are 20 years old, you may need some more seasoning.

Disclaimer:

My training for the Hostage Negotiator teams is 100% pro-bono. I don’t get a $$$ from it. I participate and speak in HN conferences worldwide the same way. Why??? To help to break the toxic myths.

Do you want to learn about Body Language?

We did a challenge [ free]; check it out here

https://humanbehaviorschool.thinkific.com/bundles/5-day-challenge

• You and your team got some of these crap trainings and you need to FIX this ASAP??? Contac ASH — ash@susanibitz.com to set a meeting with one of our experts.

***YES, we sell classes. I have a business doing things right based on science and case studies. When the topic doesn’t have any of those, I go to the field to learn more.