How to make questions to get the answer you need.


How to fix this, easy — Ask more questions. Do you know a four years old kid asks 390 questions a day? How many questions DO you ask your clients, kids, co-workers, or partners to know what really is going on?


Mother | Son

Mom: Do you have homework?

Son: We have a substituted teacher today.

Most parents would let it go, now this kid hasn’t answered the question, is trying to convince you and not convey.

How to address the conversation in the right way.

Mom: Do you have homework?

Son: We have a substituted teacher today.

Mom: This substituted teacher gave you homework?

Son: Yes.

Mom: Did you do it?

Son: No

Job interview

You: When I can hear from you about the job?

HR: Usually, we send an email.

You: “Usually” you send an email. HOW can I call you to keep track off this position?

Usually, Sales is not a continuous action, usually means -shift and change based on the circumstances.

Always come back with: “usually” you send an email, what another way I can have an update on the job position. The trick is to come back with a question that has the initial conflicted word, in this case, the work is “usually”

You: Your company has made a decision on our budget?

Client: They decided to go with another vendor.

This sale is not lost, but MOST sales rep would let it go. WHY???

“They” mean, the others made the decision, the person is not saying “we”, what would include it on the decision, but is not. For example, my boss needs a report, we need a report.

  1. The boss is asking
  2. You are included on the process

On the other hand how many times you said on December 31 “I decided to stop eating sugar” is May and you are hiding the chocolate bar in your nightstand???

“Decided” is a thought, not an action.

The “WE” effect.

So, in this case, come back and say:

You: Do you agree with the decision? If the person said no, come back with -What “we” can do to make it HAPPEN, what do you think?

Studies done in the University of Texas with couples that only dated for 6 months show that when you use the “we” on a question, need or talk the other person feel involved even if it is not they desire. “We “ in our brain is a way to feel involve and responsible for the solution or outcome

SO you want your partner to take the trash out, say “honey as we” agreed can you take the trash. “We” meaning that I was part of the decision, nobody argues with themselves. Believe me, WORKS, I haven’t taken the trash in months.

I hope you enjoy it. Love-Susan. XoXo

Originally published at



Susan Ibitz-

Human Behavior Hacker | Lead Researcher | Trainer ​Micro-Expression, Body Language, Deception-Detection, Statement Analysis & Face Reading